because of love

my jewelry box sits next to my bed. I rummaged through it this morning and found a ring that reads "John 3:16" in Greek. I bought that ring years ago, before I knew Greek. The title of the ring was "because of love." I knew that i wanted to wear that phrase on my finger every day. It was the simplest put summary of all that drives me. Later, i found out that the ring actually just has the address of that famous verse that begins: "for God so loved the world..." When i realized that it didn't actually have the word "love" in it, i relegated it to the jewelry box for good.

i didn't want the address - i wanted the place. I wanted the real words. i wanted the real thing. i wanted to wear love on my hand.

this morning when i looked for the ring i found it without any trouble. it's difficult to miss because another ring that i tossed into the jewelry box got stuck inside of it. i bought two rings once: one for me, and one for someone else. it was an innocent gift. i wanted it to be special, but i didn't want it to mean too much. the sales clerk told me they read "soul-mate" or "destiny" (It had been years since i refreshed my Hebrew).

I gave her the ring, and began wearing mine. She was my first out-of-the-closet girlfriend. the phrase suited the way that i felt: "this is my destiny," i thought. Later, we were talking about the rings with a friend. I told our friend that the rings said "destiny." She told the friend that they read, "soul-mate." after that day, i stopped wearing mine - the phrase was too much... so i relegated it to the same jewelry box.

one day i went looking for it but couldn't find it anywhere. and then i noticed it inside the other ring. I couldn't get the two to separate. i tried for days: soap, oil, pliers... neither would budge. it felt symbolic to me: my soul-mate was stuck inside John 3:16. i thought for sure i was meant to be a monk. It was that day that I knew that something was wrong.

i've been staring at the merged rings all morning because of a dream i had last night...

last night i dreamed i was on a quest


i entered a garden with countless pools of water and began diving in


each time i would surface empty-handed

in an attempt to see things more clearly, i climbed a tree. It was giant and ancient and alive. i needed a better vantage point from which to survey all of the unexplored areas of the garden

As i was climbing, i saw something shimmer underneath the brush of the tree. there was something stuck inside a hidden crack. i reached in and pulled out two rings. one was made of a shiny wood that looked almost like gold, and the other was silver with the words "soul mate" carved into it in Hebrew characters. i couldn't believe that i had found something valuable when i wasn't looking. I took them both and put them in my pocket... and then i woke up.